Porn Stars Don’t Have Sex For Money

Heather McCartney, who stands to win £200 million in a divorce settlement with a Beatle, has a filthy past. The Sun obtained exclusive snaps of her from a German sex book shot in 1988 - 5 years before her leg fell off. ‘Die Freuden Der Liebe’ or ‘The Joys of Love’ features pictures of her covered in whipped cream and baby oil. In the latter pages she even appears to perform ‘sex acts’ with a man.

This isn’t the first time the 43 year old, who Paul insists is ‘not a gold digger’, has been caught out with her leg open. Her first husband Alfie Karmal claims: “I caught her out lying over a job interview, which turned out to be an interview with an escort agency. Heather claimed she didn’t know it was an escort agency…” He went on, “under that beautiful, caring façade was a manipulative, callous and cold woman.”

The Mills camp has struck back at The Sun and sent the following letter to the editor: "This photo shoot, undertaken approximately 20 years ago, was for the purpose of a 'lover's guide' to caring relationships and instructive sex in the same way as are many other books on the market… The photo shoot was not pornographic or for the purposes of gratification of the viewer." I feel I should make some crass reference to her leg here or try and insinuate that she beats up disabled orphans in her spare time but I won’t. Vigorously masturbating over German porn is ‘caring’ and ‘instructive’ and that’s the end of it.

It is hard to not to feel sorry for the saggy faced warbler’s children though. Every time Mills’ name is mentioned, she’s either posing with genitals or plundering vast amounts of cash from their inheritance fund. No doubt in a few months enlarged photographs of her cervix will emerge and be broadcast on giant blimps that chase McCartney's children to work and shoot prosthetic legs at their faces.